I am so very proud of myself... for the first time in 3 weigh In's ( six weeks) I am weighing down. I have lost 2 pounds. It may not seem like much but it gives me strength to keep going. Being disabled is a hard thing to deal with when you are trying to lose weight. I cant exercise because I am in so much pain and agony all the time. But I can start to change my mindset. Just because I am limited in what i can do physically, does not mean I have an excuse to eat... at least not any more.

I am going to try and get through two whole week with out heavy duty cheating. I am going to try and only have 3 bags of chips in the two week period. ( I figure it is totally unrealistic to so no chips..lol) I have to put myself first again... Watch out world, here I Come.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

OMG I am 31 years old today...scary. When did I get so old and why didnt anyone tell me about it. I have had a nice relaxing yet lonely Birthday so far. I miss my friends even worse today than normal.

On the up side I got this:

I love you.... no wait

I very much a have love/hate relationship with food. I love the taste, I love to eat it but I hate what it does to me.

I have had a lot of thought on this and do you know what??? ... I'm like a junkie looking for their next fix. I really am. I crave it, obsess about it and than ultimately get beaten by it and eat it. What is worse, is that after it is devouring, I feel guilty about it and than i bargain with myself that I will never do it again, I will be better than these.... and than the next craving comes. It is a vicious circle. Tell me please, How the heck do I get off of it.

Meme Fun

Five Things
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:
1. Us Danes & Our Family
2. Comedy Plus
3. Miles To Go...
4. Ever After . . . My Way
5. Its Notso Bad

Next select five people to tag: ( I only have three that I read)
1. http://busymom.net
2.http://three-part-harmony.com/heartsongs/
3. http://notestonotso.blogspot.com/


Then answer the following questions:
#1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
I had just lost my mother due to heart related problems, i had to grow up pretty quickly. Other than that I was 3 years into university and enjoying the party life

#2 What were you doing 1 year ago?
the same has i am doing now, working in the same place, livig in the same place, doing the same things.,..OMG i am boring

#3 Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Anything chocolate especially Lindor chocolate.
2. Anything sweet with a cup of coffee
3. chips
4. snack and a halfs
5. chips again because I am THAT addicted

#4 Five Songs You Know All The Lyrics To:
1. Carrie
2. buttons
3. Measure of a man
4.. All the songs in the Buffy Musical episode
5. keeper of the stars

#5 Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Build me and my family a big castle with looks of rooms and beautiful things
2. Buy my dad a bigger house
3. Pay off all student loans... with all pennies
4. get a chauffer to drive me around
5. Take Twisted Cindy to see Clay Aiken in Concert

#6 Five bad habits:
1. talk fast
2. drinking too much coffee
3. Obsession with chips and chocolate and anything bad
4. dont pick up after myself sometimes
5. loyal to a fault

#7 Five Things You Would Never Wear Again:
1. bicycle shorts
2. ponytail on the side of my head
3. blouses with lots of pattern
4. mushroom hair cut
5. new kids clothes of any kind

#8 Five favorite toys:
1. Computer
2. Phone
3. coffee perk
4. web cam
5. mp3 player

Its hartd sometimes

It is really hard sometimes when you feel so alone. So sad. I have been suffering from depression as of lately and food seems to be the thing that makes me feel better. It shouldn't, but it does, it really does. That is until it is all gone and I have time to think about it and than I feel guilty, much in turn makes me feel more depressed. It is a vicious circle. I true believe that we all have our addictions.; mine is to food. Like an addict craves, demands beer etc, I need food. So instead of taking to drugs and beer to wash away my sorrow, I use food. Just like a drug, I use it. I feel good and than I am sicken by what I have done.

Taking a step back

I have taking a step back and for a moment looked at my life. I am commitment to everybody and everything, but not to myself. Time is a precious thing and when you don't allow yourself to have some of that time, you start to wither.




I am re committing to myself and my health. I will take the time in my schedule to drink water, to exercise and to motivate. Even if another pound is not lost, I believe in myself and being healthy.

I can do it....

I have had enough of eating back, not exercising, being depressed shit. I can do beter then this, I am strong, I just think I had to remember that again. Life is a struggle, but I will battle...

the mirror

Ever look in the mirror and all you see is a big fat blob, instead of what you actually look like. That happened to me today. I had so a bad eating day and I started my period and OMG when i looked in the mirror, I saw fat albert. Im serious. AHHHH.

Now dont worry about me, it isnt the way I feel about myself all the time but, it was def. weird. I think a woman that is PMSing should stay clear of anything that shows her reflection.

I have to do it..

I need to start believing in myself and what I can do and not the next food fix. Right now, all that is on my mind is food,... when I am going to get it, what I am going to eat, anything and everything that has to do with food. I am taking control over my life. I can do this.. I will do it.

Living this way..

For anybody that doesn't live life this way, they would never understand. The would never get that the next step taken may be one that doesn't support you. That everyday and night there is some level of pain and suffering my body must indure. Disabled is a word that scares a lot of people, almost like if said out like they will catch it. Its not a bad word, only to those that don't understand.